MOVING ON

Moving on is deciding to leave behind the plans you've made inside your mind, where everything was perfect but impossible in reality :(

Janji tetap janji

Dulu dia suka suruh aku masak utk dia.

Masak la apa-apa pun, janji boleh makan. Katanya la.

Setiap kali aku masak, aku tak dpt jumpa dia pun utk bagi.

Sebab? sebab dia busy. Tak ada masa utk ambil pun ape yg aku masak utk dia.

Jadi, setiap kali mmg takkan sampai kat dia.

Disebabkan aku dah janji nak buat oreo cheesecake utk dia.

Kali ni, aku buat. Dan aku tak perlu nak tunggu dia free utk bagi.

Aku pass je cheesecake tu kat kwn aku suruh jadi posmen...eh posgirl. heee

Asalkan aku dpt tunaikan janji aku. Walaupun itu bermakna aku tak dpt jumpa dia pun.

Tapi, entah kenapa takdir menemukan aku dgn dia. Bukanlah secara 'face to face'. Tapi, aku ternampak dia dlm kereta tgh drive. Mungkin mahu pulang atau keluar mkn. Aku tak bertanya pun.

Yg penting tujuan sebenarnya dah tercapai. Tapi kenapa? kenapa hati rasa sedih ni? Owh abaikan. INI MOODSWINGS namanya.

Robohnya benteng pertahanan

Bukan setakat roboh, runtuh, malah hancur berkecai.

Penat je membina benteng pertahanan diri.

Menyusun batu-bata sekeliling hati.

Membina tembok supaya tiada apa dpt menyakiti hati lg.

Tapi kali ni, bukan disakiti, cuma rasa simpati je..

Beria keraskan hati tak nak ambil peduli lg ttg si dia.

Lantaklah apa nak jadi pun! (ayat masa emo)

Tetiba smlm rasa tak sedap hati.

Tanya dia ok tak.

Aku: U betul ok? (tanya betul ke tak sebab selalu dia mesti jwb ok)

Dia: Tak. Sakit Hati.

(errr nape lak tetiba dia sakit hati ni? aku ada buat salah ke? menggelabah jap)

Aku: Kenapa? (jantung mcm nk tercabut tunggu reply)

Dia: Rokok.

ish laaa, aku ingatkan 'sakit hati' tu maksudnye sakit hati dgn aku. Ni hati dia sakit?

waaaa terus benteng roboh, tsunami melanda hati jap. Maka banjir la seluruh kawasan benteng pertahanan yg dibina.

TAHNIAH, anda gagal mengawal emosi & gagal mempertahankan ego!

kan dah ckp, aku ni cepat kesian. Dia tak buat salah pun, aku je nak jauhkan diri. Konon tak sanggup sakit lg kemudian hari. Nak kebalkan hati.

Aku tanya soalan cepumas kat dia: Kalau i xde lg, u ok kan?

Dia tanya aku balik soalan sama kat aku. Aku jwb tak.

Dia jwb dia pun sama.

Aku: Should I stay or walk away?

Dia: Stay. I would really appreciate it.

Mmg susah nak faham dia. Tapi aku tahu dia busy kerja. Maka, aku akan cuba memahami walaupun susah. Sebab bila aku tahu dia sakit, aku mmg tak sanggup kalau hilang dia. Jadi, aku dah tahu, aku tak patut hilangkan diri dari dia. So, I will stay as a friend :)

INTERVIEW

Saya tak suka perasaan berdebar-debar nak pergi interview. ceh.

Sebab? sebab nak kena pura-pura berani dpn interviewer. Tapi TAK! sebenarnya penakut.

Lagi? Sebab nak kena berlakon hebat & yakin..kena berlagak komited. Padahal dlm hati ragu-ragu. Dlm hati mcm tak tetap pendirian.

cthnya ada persoalan spt: hmm boleh ke aku kerja ni? layak ke? Mcmana kalau itu..kalau ini..

Interview pertama: Jetstar Airways - beria buat sehabis baik, dpt offer, tp terpaksa reject. Sebab? tak confident & lokasi tak best

Interview kedua: walk in je kat Maxis. dapat. accept. after 11 months blah! sebab? err sebab bos gedik nak mampus kena jadi kaki kipas baru dpt benefits!

Interview ketiga: Citibank. try to be myself. berjaya utk 1st stage. 2nd stage dgn manager. Slack sebab lambat 5 minit. Bad impression! Balik, kecewa, rasa mmg tak dpt. Tp, Alhamdulillah. dapat melepasi halangan :)

Maka, sy akan mula menjadi sibuk bermula pd hari Isnin, 3 Oktober 2011. Sekian.

Diari Seorang Penganggur

Pernah alami situasi jadi penganggur? Tentu pernah. Hehe tapi mungkin ada yang tidak lama, ada yang berbulan-bulan..bahkan mungkin ada yg bertahun lamanya..(tu mmg dah dasar berat tulang kalau bertahun..heh)

Sejak menjadi penganggur, lebih-lebih lagi di bln puasa, dah macam rutin surirumah plak.

5 am- bgn, sediakan sahur.

5.20am- kejut adik sahur

6am -solat

6.45am - standby kalau2 si adik tak terbangun pegi sekolah.

lepas tu on9, kemas rumah sikit2..(sikit je..haha)

tido kalau ngantuk

bgn balik (waktu berbeza-beza..hihi)

pergi bazar ramadhan or tolong mak masak kat dapur utk berbuka.

mlm- kdg2 pergi beli brg dapur.

haaa kan da mcm surirumah..tangga je blm buat..ahaha

ok, sape2 yg berminat utk mengupah surirumah, bole call dinombor

+6012-2*****5 (sila cuba sampai dapat)

A thousand apologies

Sorry that I love you, sorry that I care

Sorry that we've taken for granted the love that we share

Sorry for the heartache, sorry for the pain

Sorry for what you gave if I didn't give back the same

Sorry for the waiting, sorry to waste your time

Sorry if I'm not worth it, you don't have to be mine

Sorry for mistaking something that I thought was true

Sorry if you don't understand why I do what I do

Sorry for my feelings if they're not enough

Sorry if we can't work through all this stuff

Sorry if you can't fit me into your life

Sorry if all I do is cause us to fight

Sorry if I'm cramping your style or getting in your way

Sorry if I don't say the things you want me to say

Sorry if I don't measure up to what you want me to be

Sorry if I can't be enough to make you just want me

Sorry for apologizing but I don't know what to do

Sorry if my only dreams consist of me and you.

Resepi Puding Karamel

Hai, bertemu lg kite dlm rancangan masak-masak bersama sy..heee

feeling2 jd pengacara + chef jap..

Skrg suke tgk rancangan masak2 kt TV,

termasuklah masterchef australia tu..terliur je tgk time2 bln puasa ni..hihi

Ok, ni nk bg resepi mcmana nk buat puding karamel yg enak, lazat sehingga menjilat sudu..

bahan2 yg diperlukan:

5 biji telur ayam

1 tin susu sejat ideal

3/4 susu pekat

3/4 air

1 sudu kecil esen vanila

1 cawan kecil gula (untuk karamel)

Langkah berjaga-jaga..haha

1. masukkan gula 1 cawan kecil dalam kuali, tambah air sikit dalam 5 sudu besar..panaskan dan biar sampai gula larut sehingga menjadi warna keemasan, jgn biar hangus sgt, nanti pahit..

2. bila karamel da siap, masukkan dlm loyang yg da disediakan diatas pengukus.

3. Campurkan 1 tin susu sejat, 3/4 susu pekat, 3/4 air, 1 sudu kecil esen vanila ke dlm mangkuk besar..kacau hingga sebati..akhir sekali masukkan 5 biji telur.

(penting untuk kacau telur hingga sebati saje, xperlu la pukul beria-ria sampai keluar buih2 semua..nanti pudding x cantik)

4. Setelah sebati, tapis & tuangkan ke dlm loyang.

5. kukus dlm masa 25-30 minit

- masukkan ke dlm peti sejuk.

- menghitung detik utk berbuka dgn puding karamel yg enak & sejuk.

(utk tambahan: kalau suke, bole letak aiskrim vanila masa nak hidang..slurrrpp)

Selamat mencuba :)

Ni hasilnya...

Quotes

# If someone wants to be a part of your life, They'll make an effort to be in it..

So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay!

# Don't keep running back to the one person that you need to walk away from.

# If he's dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.

# Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

# I wish falling in love has traffic lights too, so that i would know if i should GO for it, SLOW DOWN, or just STOP

# I gave you my heart without letting you know, that's why you broke it without even noticing

Petanda

Disaat kerungsingan..mencari sesuatu yg tak pasti..

Aku sujud padaMu, menadah kedua belah tgn berdoa..memohon petanda..

Mungkin aku dah dpt petanda yg aku inginkan. Sekarang, aku perlu tabahkan hati menerima ketentuanNya.

Either way, I end up getting hurt

I hate reminding myself to be strong.

Be patient.

Accept the fact that it might not turn up the way I want it to be.

I admit, I'm afraid. Afraid to find out the truth. I'm not sure whether I can handle the truth or not. I've been telling myself that if it's not meant to be, then there's nothing that I can do.

The only problem now is..

I really don't know how strong I can be if the person that I care the most, no matter how I've been treated, tell me that: He don't care about me the way I care about him.

Dear heart, please be strong.

"If you hold back feelings because you're afraid of getting hurt, you end up hurting, anyway".