Testing..cobaan 1, 2, 3..

Dah masuk hari ke-4 aku halang diri aku dari melakukan sesuatu.
Huwaarghhhh susah sgt okay!!

Tapi, aku yakin aku akan berjaya..
Awal-awal dulu mmg aku selalu gagal dgn cemerlang laaa.
Kejap-kejap dok tgk handphone,
lagi best dok tenung skrin handphone tu sambil termenung, kalau la handphone tu boleh bercakap,
aku gerenti dia dah maki aku.


HOI TAKDE KEJE LAIN KE?
pergi la basuh baju ke, cuci pinggan ke, tgk TV ke..

Tapi skrg dah okay sikit, aku boleh biarkan handphone tu duduk sorang-sorang dalam bilik.
Keluar rumah, saje buat-buat tertinggal dia.

Ni semua untuk diri aku sendiri juga. Aku sejujurnya dah letih mengharapkan sesuatu yg tak pasti.
Jadi, ni persiapan awal untuk test diri aku ni kuat ke tak untuk hidup tanpa dia.

Black belt

Situasi:

Aku & adik-adik sedang menonton TV.
Ada satu kisah mcm short film gak la, pasal sorang budak perempuan ni, umur belasan tahun,
dia belajar taekwondo, pastu 1 hari tu, dia tak dpt balance badan dia, dia terjatuh. Patah tangan kanan atau kiri, aku tak fokus pun tangan belah mana..huhu

Lepas tu dia cerita la mcmana doktor simen tangan dia yg patah tu..akhir sekali lepas dia dah mengharungi detik-detik sukar dlm hidup dia selama tangan disimen, dia pun berjaya dapatkan blue belt.

Aku pun ckp kat adik aku.


Aku: Heh, tak heran laaa, i ada black belt okay masa belajar silat dulu!! 


Adik: Errr silat bukan ke mmg black belt? (-.-)



Hahahaha memang pun :D

Sekian, mood sengal.

Luahan hati seorang lelaki

Seringkali kite mendengar luahan hati orang yg kecewa kerana cinta.

Dan selalunya aku mendengar cerita dari kwn-kwn perempuan.

Kali ni, kisah yg ingin aku kongsi. Luahan hati seorang LELAKI yg kecewa kerana CINTA.

Aku kenal dia pun masa sama-sama training kat Maxis. Satu hari tu dia tegur aku kat Facebook chat.

Berborak mcm biasa. Tetiba dia tanya, aku ada boyfriend tak. Heh, aku paling emo nak jwb soalan mcmni,

bukan ape, sebab bile aku jwb 'TAKDE', mesti reaksi spt ini 'YEKE? TIPU LA..

Eh aku ni suke menipu ke? haha

Kemudian mula la cite dia suke bersendiri, lebih baik bujang katanye..

Aku dpt detect ayat kecewa disitu. Entah kenapa dia rasa selesa nak cerita kisah percintaan dia.

Bercinta dgn si gadis dari zaman belajar, dah habis belajar, dapat tahu si gadis dah bertunang dari zaman dorang belajar lagi..kiranye si gadis ni bercinta dgn 2 org skali la..HEBAT! eh bukan, JAHATNYA KAMU..isk isk

Sedihkan bila tahu ada lelaki yg mencintai seorang perempuan dgn sepenuh hati tp dipermainkan. Sebab melalui pengalaman aku, rasanye susah nak jumpa dgn lelaki yg setia dgn cinta & bila putus cinta, dia punye kecewa sampai dia rasa nk membujang sampai tua..huuuu sedih lg..

Biasanye la, lelaki yg kecewa cinta, dah jumpa pengganti, nanti ok la balik..heee tp tu la, hati manusia, xdpt nk tilik lebih2..yg penting aku ckp kat dia, jangan paksa utk bercinta, perasaan tu akan datang sendiri bila tiba waktu yg sesuai & bila didatangkan seseorang yg mmg diciptakan utk kite. Kalau sekadar nak bercinta sebab nk cuba lupakan bekas kekasih, mmg lebih baik matikan niat tu! Nanti tak ikhlas. Akhirnya mungkin akan lebih menyakitkan. Kesian yg menjadi mangsa keadaan.

Aku doakan 1 hari nanti, pintu hati dia terbuka utk bercinta lg & semoga gadis tu hargai lelaki sebaik dia :)

Missing Star - YUNA

I can’t never really tell you why
I’ve been missing you a lot
And I just have to take another look
Of your photo in my wallet phone
And there’s no reason why
I keep your t-shirt by my side when i sleep
Pretending you were never really gone

It’s like a missing star
That’s always been up in your sky
It’s like the rainbow never comes after the rain
It’s like the sun never rises in every of your mornings
How am I suppose to live without those things
They are all you

MOVING ON

Moving on is deciding to leave behind the plans you've made inside your mind, where everything was perfect but impossible in reality :(

Janji tetap janji

Dulu dia suka suruh aku masak utk dia.

Masak la apa-apa pun, janji boleh makan. Katanya la.

Setiap kali aku masak, aku tak dpt jumpa dia pun utk bagi.

Sebab? sebab dia busy. Tak ada masa utk ambil pun ape yg aku masak utk dia.

Jadi, setiap kali mmg takkan sampai kat dia.

Disebabkan aku dah janji nak buat oreo cheesecake utk dia.

Kali ni, aku buat. Dan aku tak perlu nak tunggu dia free utk bagi.

Aku pass je cheesecake tu kat kwn aku suruh jadi posmen...eh posgirl. heee

Asalkan aku dpt tunaikan janji aku. Walaupun itu bermakna aku tak dpt jumpa dia pun.

Tapi, entah kenapa takdir menemukan aku dgn dia. Bukanlah secara 'face to face'. Tapi, aku ternampak dia dlm kereta tgh drive. Mungkin mahu pulang atau keluar mkn. Aku tak bertanya pun.

Yg penting tujuan sebenarnya dah tercapai. Tapi kenapa? kenapa hati rasa sedih ni? Owh abaikan. INI MOODSWINGS namanya.

Robohnya benteng pertahanan

Bukan setakat roboh, runtuh, malah hancur berkecai.

Penat je membina benteng pertahanan diri.

Menyusun batu-bata sekeliling hati.

Membina tembok supaya tiada apa dpt menyakiti hati lg.

Tapi kali ni, bukan disakiti, cuma rasa simpati je..

Beria keraskan hati tak nak ambil peduli lg ttg si dia.

Lantaklah apa nak jadi pun! (ayat masa emo)

Tetiba smlm rasa tak sedap hati.

Tanya dia ok tak.

Aku: U betul ok? (tanya betul ke tak sebab selalu dia mesti jwb ok)

Dia: Tak. Sakit Hati.

(errr nape lak tetiba dia sakit hati ni? aku ada buat salah ke? menggelabah jap)

Aku: Kenapa? (jantung mcm nk tercabut tunggu reply)

Dia: Rokok.

ish laaa, aku ingatkan 'sakit hati' tu maksudnye sakit hati dgn aku. Ni hati dia sakit?

waaaa terus benteng roboh, tsunami melanda hati jap. Maka banjir la seluruh kawasan benteng pertahanan yg dibina.

TAHNIAH, anda gagal mengawal emosi & gagal mempertahankan ego!

kan dah ckp, aku ni cepat kesian. Dia tak buat salah pun, aku je nak jauhkan diri. Konon tak sanggup sakit lg kemudian hari. Nak kebalkan hati.

Aku tanya soalan cepumas kat dia: Kalau i xde lg, u ok kan?

Dia tanya aku balik soalan sama kat aku. Aku jwb tak.

Dia jwb dia pun sama.

Aku: Should I stay or walk away?

Dia: Stay. I would really appreciate it.

Mmg susah nak faham dia. Tapi aku tahu dia busy kerja. Maka, aku akan cuba memahami walaupun susah. Sebab bila aku tahu dia sakit, aku mmg tak sanggup kalau hilang dia. Jadi, aku dah tahu, aku tak patut hilangkan diri dari dia. So, I will stay as a friend :)

INTERVIEW

Saya tak suka perasaan berdebar-debar nak pergi interview. ceh.

Sebab? sebab nak kena pura-pura berani dpn interviewer. Tapi TAK! sebenarnya penakut.

Lagi? Sebab nak kena berlakon hebat & yakin..kena berlagak komited. Padahal dlm hati ragu-ragu. Dlm hati mcm tak tetap pendirian.

cthnya ada persoalan spt: hmm boleh ke aku kerja ni? layak ke? Mcmana kalau itu..kalau ini..

Interview pertama: Jetstar Airways - beria buat sehabis baik, dpt offer, tp terpaksa reject. Sebab? tak confident & lokasi tak best

Interview kedua: walk in je kat Maxis. dapat. accept. after 11 months blah! sebab? err sebab bos gedik nak mampus kena jadi kaki kipas baru dpt benefits!

Interview ketiga: Citibank. try to be myself. berjaya utk 1st stage. 2nd stage dgn manager. Slack sebab lambat 5 minit. Bad impression! Balik, kecewa, rasa mmg tak dpt. Tp, Alhamdulillah. dapat melepasi halangan :)

Maka, sy akan mula menjadi sibuk bermula pd hari Isnin, 3 Oktober 2011. Sekian.

Diari Seorang Penganggur

Pernah alami situasi jadi penganggur? Tentu pernah. Hehe tapi mungkin ada yang tidak lama, ada yang berbulan-bulan..bahkan mungkin ada yg bertahun lamanya..(tu mmg dah dasar berat tulang kalau bertahun..heh)

Sejak menjadi penganggur, lebih-lebih lagi di bln puasa, dah macam rutin surirumah plak.

5 am- bgn, sediakan sahur.

5.20am- kejut adik sahur

6am -solat

6.45am - standby kalau2 si adik tak terbangun pegi sekolah.

lepas tu on9, kemas rumah sikit2..(sikit je..haha)

tido kalau ngantuk

bgn balik (waktu berbeza-beza..hihi)

pergi bazar ramadhan or tolong mak masak kat dapur utk berbuka.

mlm- kdg2 pergi beli brg dapur.

haaa kan da mcm surirumah..tangga je blm buat..ahaha

ok, sape2 yg berminat utk mengupah surirumah, bole call dinombor

+6012-2*****5 (sila cuba sampai dapat)

A thousand apologies

Sorry that I love you, sorry that I care

Sorry that we've taken for granted the love that we share

Sorry for the heartache, sorry for the pain

Sorry for what you gave if I didn't give back the same

Sorry for the waiting, sorry to waste your time

Sorry if I'm not worth it, you don't have to be mine

Sorry for mistaking something that I thought was true

Sorry if you don't understand why I do what I do

Sorry for my feelings if they're not enough

Sorry if we can't work through all this stuff

Sorry if you can't fit me into your life

Sorry if all I do is cause us to fight

Sorry if I'm cramping your style or getting in your way

Sorry if I don't say the things you want me to say

Sorry if I don't measure up to what you want me to be

Sorry if I can't be enough to make you just want me

Sorry for apologizing but I don't know what to do

Sorry if my only dreams consist of me and you.

Resepi Puding Karamel

Hai, bertemu lg kite dlm rancangan masak-masak bersama sy..heee

feeling2 jd pengacara + chef jap..

Skrg suke tgk rancangan masak2 kt TV,

termasuklah masterchef australia tu..terliur je tgk time2 bln puasa ni..hihi

Ok, ni nk bg resepi mcmana nk buat puding karamel yg enak, lazat sehingga menjilat sudu..

bahan2 yg diperlukan:

5 biji telur ayam

1 tin susu sejat ideal

3/4 susu pekat

3/4 air

1 sudu kecil esen vanila

1 cawan kecil gula (untuk karamel)

Langkah berjaga-jaga..haha

1. masukkan gula 1 cawan kecil dalam kuali, tambah air sikit dalam 5 sudu besar..panaskan dan biar sampai gula larut sehingga menjadi warna keemasan, jgn biar hangus sgt, nanti pahit..

2. bila karamel da siap, masukkan dlm loyang yg da disediakan diatas pengukus.

3. Campurkan 1 tin susu sejat, 3/4 susu pekat, 3/4 air, 1 sudu kecil esen vanila ke dlm mangkuk besar..kacau hingga sebati..akhir sekali masukkan 5 biji telur.

(penting untuk kacau telur hingga sebati saje, xperlu la pukul beria-ria sampai keluar buih2 semua..nanti pudding x cantik)

4. Setelah sebati, tapis & tuangkan ke dlm loyang.

5. kukus dlm masa 25-30 minit

- masukkan ke dlm peti sejuk.

- menghitung detik utk berbuka dgn puding karamel yg enak & sejuk.

(utk tambahan: kalau suke, bole letak aiskrim vanila masa nak hidang..slurrrpp)

Selamat mencuba :)

Ni hasilnya...

Quotes

# If someone wants to be a part of your life, They'll make an effort to be in it..

So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay!

# Don't keep running back to the one person that you need to walk away from.

# If he's dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.

# Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

# I wish falling in love has traffic lights too, so that i would know if i should GO for it, SLOW DOWN, or just STOP

# I gave you my heart without letting you know, that's why you broke it without even noticing

Petanda

Disaat kerungsingan..mencari sesuatu yg tak pasti..

Aku sujud padaMu, menadah kedua belah tgn berdoa..memohon petanda..

Mungkin aku dah dpt petanda yg aku inginkan. Sekarang, aku perlu tabahkan hati menerima ketentuanNya.

Either way, I end up getting hurt

I hate reminding myself to be strong.

Be patient.

Accept the fact that it might not turn up the way I want it to be.

I admit, I'm afraid. Afraid to find out the truth. I'm not sure whether I can handle the truth or not. I've been telling myself that if it's not meant to be, then there's nothing that I can do.

The only problem now is..

I really don't know how strong I can be if the person that I care the most, no matter how I've been treated, tell me that: He don't care about me the way I care about him.

Dear heart, please be strong.

"If you hold back feelings because you're afraid of getting hurt, you end up hurting, anyway".

Makan Hati

burpp..kenyang da, Alhamdulillah.

Please tell me

TELL ME HOW TO WIN YOUR HEART
FOR I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE

Tanda Positif

Aku jumpa dia setelah 1 bulan lebih. Perasaan? mula2 nervous masa on the way. Lepas tu nervous lg masa call bgtahu da sampai. Bila dia call tanya kat mana lokasi aku & toleh blkg ternampak dia, xla nervous sgt. Tapi..

aku nmpk dia, buka pintu kereta, matikan enjin, pastu keluar kereta! Nasib baik x kunci pintu dr dalam. Sebabnye aku tak tarik keluar kunci kereta lpas matikan enjin. Tahniah!

(xla nervous sgt konon..ceh)

Kemudian berborak. Mcm biasa. Tapi pelik sebab xde rasa janggal lg. Rasa mcm aku da bole terima kalau ditakdirkan kitaorg mmg akan berkawan saja.

Salam Ramadhan kpd semua umat Islam & juga kpd dia. Semoga sinar cahaya Ramadhan menyinari hati kita.

Masih belum bertemu jawapan.

Kisah ini tidak sempurna.

Mungkin kerana jalan cerita tidak lurus utk memudahkan pengakhiran jalan ceritanya. Banyak cabang-cabang dan jalan tidak rata sepanjang perjalanan.

Hati ini juga tidak keruan.

Aku tidak pasti kemana arah tuju perasaan ini. Yang pasti, aku ingin elak dari terus disakiti.

Untuk sekian kali, aku dpt rasa bernafas dgn lega. Perasaan yg tenang walaupun tanpa ditemani sesiapa. Tapi dia muncul.

Seluruh jiwa luruh. Rasa nak luahkan je semua kat dia. Kenapa dia nak muncul balik setelah dia menghilang? Kemudian dia hilang lagi. Lagi terasa sakit sebab aku da bgtahu dia yg aku takut kalau dia 'hilang' lg. Tapi, dia tetap 'hilang'.

Dalam rasa kesedihan, masih ada rasa yg mampu buat aku tersenyum. Terima kasih. Alhamdulillah =)

Terhenti Disini

Sedangku membaca wajahmu...

Senyumanmu menggambarkan sesuatu...

Jika kau fahami isi hatiku...

Ku tak ingin waktu henti tanpamu...

Lepas sebulan lebih aku berhenti kerja kat Maxis. Aku sms dia. Dia ada jgak sms sebelum ni, tp biasa2 je. Hi, apa khabar? Dah mkn? Sihat? soalan2 biasa.

Jadi, masa aku sms dia, aku tnya dia.

Aku: Can I ask u something?

Dia: Yes.

Aku: Do u miss me?

(mesti dia pelik tetiba aku tnya mcmni..tp aku mmg rasa nk tnya, xkisah la ape dia nk jwb)

Dia: Why are u asking like that?

Aku: Can u answer the question honestly first?

Dia: u?

Aku: Hello, x jwb pun soalan..answer my question first..

Dia: Boleh x u answer dulu? (haihhh aku tnya soalan kat dia, nape plak aku kena jwb?)

Aku: x adil la, i tanya dulu..

(dia tak reply)

Aku: Hello?

Dia: Yes

Aku: U x jwb lg soalan i

Dia: U xnak jwb dulu. (ok, sgt budak2..)

Aku: Ok, ape soalan u? (mood: mengalah)

Dia: U miss I ke?

Aku: Yes.

Dia: Miss ur presence as well.

Ok, tu je aku nak tau. Entah kenapa, aku masih blm bersedia nak lupakan dia 100%.

5 Januari 2011

Tmpt kejadian: Sunway Contact centre (Maxis)

Aku nmpk dia. Dia berjalan menuju kearah kwn aku yg duduk dihadapan meja aku

Mereka berbual. Tiba-tiba terdengar nama aku disebut.

Haishh ape plak ni? aku ada buat salah ke smpai nama aku naik?

Aku: Nape?

Dia: U ......? (sebut novell id aku - id maxis)

Tindakan refleks. Aku mengangguk. Dia senyum & berlalu pergi.

Terus aku menggelabah & tanya kwn aku tu, aku ada buat salah ke? kwn aku hanya menggeleng..katanya 'Dia' saje nk tau id aku ape..

x sampai 10 minit, aku terima email.

From: Dia

To: Aku

Subject: TESTING

TESTING.

itu saje yg dia kirim. Ish testing ape ni.

Aku: Successful

Dia: J

Aku:J

Dia: JJJ

Ok, macam tu la mulanya kitaorg kenal. Cuma lepas tu, xtahu ape jadi, masing2 menjauh. Alasannya dia sibuk dgn kerja. Fine. Aku pun pura-pura sibuk.

Dia pernah ckp dia suka benda susah. Kerja yg mencabar. Sama gak dlm kehidupan harian.

So ada sekali tu, aku sms:

Aku: I pun suka benda susah.

Dia: Hmm mcm pernah dgr je.

Aku: eleh xde copyright. Yang paling i suka = susah hati (sbb dia suka buat aku susah hati)

Dia: ni mcm perli..

Tapi aku tahu, bila ada sesuatu terjadi pd aku, dia akan risau. Dia juga ambil tahu ttg aku dari kwn2 sekeliling. Kalau xnmpk aku kat tmpt kerja, dia akan cari.

Yang paling aku suka ttg dia ialah dia hormat aku. Hormat aku sbg seorang perempuan. That's what make him special.

How to Install LOVE

Something to share that I found very interesting:

Customer Service (CS) Rep. : "Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today?"

Customer: "Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?"

CS Rep. : "Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?"

Customer: "Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?"

CS Rep. : "The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?"

Customer: "Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?"

CS Rep. : "What programs are running ma'am?"

Customer: "Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now."

CS Rep. : "No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?"

Customer: "I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?"

CS Rep. : "My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased."

Customer: "Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?"

Cs Rep. : "Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?"

Customer: "Yes I do. Is it completely installed?"

Cs Rep. : "Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades."

Customer: "Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?"

Cs Rep. : "What does the message say?"

Customer: "It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that mean?"

Cs Rep. : "Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others."

Customer: "So what should I do?"

Cs Rep. : "Can you pull down the directory called"SELFACCEPTANCE"?"

Customer: "Yes, I have it."

Cs Rep. : " Excellent. You're getting good at this."

Customer: "Thank you."

Cs Rep. : "You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently gone erased."

Customer: "Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?"

Cs Rep. : "Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go."

Customer: "Yes?"

Cs Rep. : "LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return some similarly sacred modules back to you."

Customer: "I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?"

Cs Rep. : " You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Many people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch . . ."

It's OK

The thing about life that I've learned is that you're going to get hurt.

You're going to have emotional nights and cry yourself to sleep for hours.

You're going to suffer some kind of loss.

But you will also have those moments where you heal. Those moments are the best.

You feel like you smile for the first time again. You feel like you're alive again.

Life just kind of restarts.

Keep bleeding

Sometimes, you just have to wonder how many times someone you care about has to hurt you.

Before you FINALLY DON'T CARE.

Sekali Lagi.

Ye, SEKALI LAGI!

Mcm xpernah serik. Aku tahu tindakan aku akan akhirnya buat aku bertambah rasa 'sakit', tapi aku buat juga, sebab? oh sebabnye senang saje, sebab aku cepat kesian kat org.

Lagi-lagi kalau org tu pandai buat muka ala-ala anak kucing comel yg kelaparan, aku terus lemah. sistem ketahanan aku x kental.

Baiklah, jadi sekali lagi, aku digunakan. Bila masa dia dlm kesusahan, aku la kwn, bila dia senang, aku dilupakan. Tapi aku x belajar pun dari kesilapan, sebab bila dia dlm kesusahan sekali lagi, aku dgn baik hatinya berada disitu utk dia, utk pastikan dia ok. Cis! Tlg jgn terpedaya lg.