Masih belum bertemu jawapan.

Kisah ini tidak sempurna.

Mungkin kerana jalan cerita tidak lurus utk memudahkan pengakhiran jalan ceritanya. Banyak cabang-cabang dan jalan tidak rata sepanjang perjalanan.

Hati ini juga tidak keruan.

Aku tidak pasti kemana arah tuju perasaan ini. Yang pasti, aku ingin elak dari terus disakiti.

Untuk sekian kali, aku dpt rasa bernafas dgn lega. Perasaan yg tenang walaupun tanpa ditemani sesiapa. Tapi dia muncul.

Seluruh jiwa luruh. Rasa nak luahkan je semua kat dia. Kenapa dia nak muncul balik setelah dia menghilang? Kemudian dia hilang lagi. Lagi terasa sakit sebab aku da bgtahu dia yg aku takut kalau dia 'hilang' lg. Tapi, dia tetap 'hilang'.

Dalam rasa kesedihan, masih ada rasa yg mampu buat aku tersenyum. Terima kasih. Alhamdulillah =)

Terhenti Disini

Sedangku membaca wajahmu...

Senyumanmu menggambarkan sesuatu...

Jika kau fahami isi hatiku...

Ku tak ingin waktu henti tanpamu...

Lepas sebulan lebih aku berhenti kerja kat Maxis. Aku sms dia. Dia ada jgak sms sebelum ni, tp biasa2 je. Hi, apa khabar? Dah mkn? Sihat? soalan2 biasa.

Jadi, masa aku sms dia, aku tnya dia.

Aku: Can I ask u something?

Dia: Yes.

Aku: Do u miss me?

(mesti dia pelik tetiba aku tnya mcmni..tp aku mmg rasa nk tnya, xkisah la ape dia nk jwb)

Dia: Why are u asking like that?

Aku: Can u answer the question honestly first?

Dia: u?

Aku: Hello, x jwb pun soalan..answer my question first..

Dia: Boleh x u answer dulu? (haihhh aku tnya soalan kat dia, nape plak aku kena jwb?)

Aku: x adil la, i tanya dulu..

(dia tak reply)

Aku: Hello?

Dia: Yes

Aku: U x jwb lg soalan i

Dia: U xnak jwb dulu. (ok, sgt budak2..)

Aku: Ok, ape soalan u? (mood: mengalah)

Dia: U miss I ke?

Aku: Yes.

Dia: Miss ur presence as well.

Ok, tu je aku nak tau. Entah kenapa, aku masih blm bersedia nak lupakan dia 100%.

5 Januari 2011

Tmpt kejadian: Sunway Contact centre (Maxis)

Aku nmpk dia. Dia berjalan menuju kearah kwn aku yg duduk dihadapan meja aku

Mereka berbual. Tiba-tiba terdengar nama aku disebut.

Haishh ape plak ni? aku ada buat salah ke smpai nama aku naik?

Aku: Nape?

Dia: U ......? (sebut novell id aku - id maxis)

Tindakan refleks. Aku mengangguk. Dia senyum & berlalu pergi.

Terus aku menggelabah & tanya kwn aku tu, aku ada buat salah ke? kwn aku hanya menggeleng..katanya 'Dia' saje nk tau id aku ape..

x sampai 10 minit, aku terima email.

From: Dia

To: Aku

Subject: TESTING

TESTING.

itu saje yg dia kirim. Ish testing ape ni.

Aku: Successful

Dia: J

Aku:J

Dia: JJJ

Ok, macam tu la mulanya kitaorg kenal. Cuma lepas tu, xtahu ape jadi, masing2 menjauh. Alasannya dia sibuk dgn kerja. Fine. Aku pun pura-pura sibuk.

Dia pernah ckp dia suka benda susah. Kerja yg mencabar. Sama gak dlm kehidupan harian.

So ada sekali tu, aku sms:

Aku: I pun suka benda susah.

Dia: Hmm mcm pernah dgr je.

Aku: eleh xde copyright. Yang paling i suka = susah hati (sbb dia suka buat aku susah hati)

Dia: ni mcm perli..

Tapi aku tahu, bila ada sesuatu terjadi pd aku, dia akan risau. Dia juga ambil tahu ttg aku dari kwn2 sekeliling. Kalau xnmpk aku kat tmpt kerja, dia akan cari.

Yang paling aku suka ttg dia ialah dia hormat aku. Hormat aku sbg seorang perempuan. That's what make him special.

How to Install LOVE

Something to share that I found very interesting:

Customer Service (CS) Rep. : "Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today?"

Customer: "Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?"

CS Rep. : "Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?"

Customer: "Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?"

CS Rep. : "The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?"

Customer: "Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?"

CS Rep. : "What programs are running ma'am?"

Customer: "Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now."

CS Rep. : "No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?"

Customer: "I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?"

CS Rep. : "My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased."

Customer: "Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?"

Cs Rep. : "Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?"

Customer: "Yes I do. Is it completely installed?"

Cs Rep. : "Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades."

Customer: "Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?"

Cs Rep. : "What does the message say?"

Customer: "It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that mean?"

Cs Rep. : "Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others."

Customer: "So what should I do?"

Cs Rep. : "Can you pull down the directory called"SELFACCEPTANCE"?"

Customer: "Yes, I have it."

Cs Rep. : " Excellent. You're getting good at this."

Customer: "Thank you."

Cs Rep. : "You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently gone erased."

Customer: "Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?"

Cs Rep. : "Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go."

Customer: "Yes?"

Cs Rep. : "LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return some similarly sacred modules back to you."

Customer: "I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?"

Cs Rep. : " You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Many people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch . . ."

It's OK

The thing about life that I've learned is that you're going to get hurt.

You're going to have emotional nights and cry yourself to sleep for hours.

You're going to suffer some kind of loss.

But you will also have those moments where you heal. Those moments are the best.

You feel like you smile for the first time again. You feel like you're alive again.

Life just kind of restarts.

Keep bleeding

Sometimes, you just have to wonder how many times someone you care about has to hurt you.

Before you FINALLY DON'T CARE.

Sekali Lagi.

Ye, SEKALI LAGI!

Mcm xpernah serik. Aku tahu tindakan aku akan akhirnya buat aku bertambah rasa 'sakit', tapi aku buat juga, sebab? oh sebabnye senang saje, sebab aku cepat kesian kat org.

Lagi-lagi kalau org tu pandai buat muka ala-ala anak kucing comel yg kelaparan, aku terus lemah. sistem ketahanan aku x kental.

Baiklah, jadi sekali lagi, aku digunakan. Bila masa dia dlm kesusahan, aku la kwn, bila dia senang, aku dilupakan. Tapi aku x belajar pun dari kesilapan, sebab bila dia dlm kesusahan sekali lagi, aku dgn baik hatinya berada disitu utk dia, utk pastikan dia ok. Cis! Tlg jgn terpedaya lg.